ComedyDrama

Mean Machine

- It's Not Just About Football, It's About Pride Inside!

Disgraced ex-England football captain, Danny 'Mean Machine' Meehan, is thrown in jail for assaulting two police officers. He keeps his head down and has the opportunity to forget everything and change the lives of the prisoners. When these prisoners have the chance to put one over the evil guards during a prison football match, Danny takes the lead.

Release Date : 2001-12-26

Language :EnglishItalian

Adult : false

Status : Released

Production Company : SKA Films

Production Country : United Kingdom

Alternative Titles :

Cast

Character Name : Danny Meehan

Original Name : Vinnie Jones

Gender : Male

Character Name : Doc

Original Name : David Kelly

Gender : Male

Character Name : Governor

Original Name : David Hemmings

Gender : Male

Character Name : Burton

Original Name : Ralph Brown

Gender : Male

Character Name : Massive

Original Name : Vas Blackwood

Gender : Male

Character Name : Trojan

Original Name : Robbie Gee

Gender : Male

Character Name : Ratchett

Original Name : Geoff Bell

Gender : Male

Character Name : Sykes

Original Name : John Forgeham

Gender : Male

Character Name : Tracey

Original Name : Sally Phillips

Gender : Female

Character Name : Billy the Limpet

Original Name : Danny Dyer

Gender : Male

Character Name : Bob Likely

Original Name : Jason Flemyng

Gender : Male

Character Name : Monk

Original Name : Jason Statham

Gender : Male

Character Name : Z

Original Name : Martin Wimbush

Gender : Male

Character Name : Barman

Original Name : David Reid

Gender : Male

Character Name : Second Barman

Original Name : David Cropman

Gender : Male

Character Name : Policeman

Original Name : Tim Perrin

Gender : Male

Character Name : Policeman

Original Name : Paul Mari

Gender : Male

Character Name : Hayter

Original Name : Nicholas Moss

Gender : Male

Character Name : Nitro

Original Name : Stephen Walters

Gender : Male

Character Name : Ketch

Original Name : Andrew Grainger

Gender : Male

Character Name : Chiv

Original Name : Jamie Sives

Gender : Male

Character Name : Mouse

Original Name : Adam Fogerty

Gender : Male

Character Name : Cigs

Original Name : Rocky Marshall

Gender : Male

Character Name : Jerome McFife

Original Name : Elwin 'Chopper' David

Gender : Male

Character Name : Raj

Original Name : Omid Djalili

Gender : Male

Reviews

John Chard

@John Chard

2024-05-16

1-0 to the Mean Machine. Mean Machine is an English reworking of Robert Aldrich's 1974 beefcake Burt Reynolds starrer, The Longest Yard. Substituting Gridiron for Soccer, director Barry Skolnick, along with his roll call of British "faces", is only aiming for one market. That of the footie worshipping clan that primarily resides within the United Kingdom. Very much a long way from competing on the same playing field as Aldrich's superior movie, Mean Machine does have enough about it to make it an enjoyable viewing outside of the excellently constructed soccer match that fills out the last third of the piece. But with the film's reputation being far from good, the chance that many others feel the same as me are pretty remote. About as remote as Accrington Stanley winning the English Premiere League one feels. The problem would seem to lay with the first hour, violence and humour thrust together does not always yield great rewards, and so it be with the wet behind the ears direction from Skolnick. Caught between a tough portrayal of British prison life and outright slapstick, it's an odd bedfellow that Skolnick can't quite get right. And with Guy Ritchie on the sidelines donning the "supervising producer" shirt, one can't help thinking that Ritchie would have made substantially more with the material to hand. But as "I" say, there's enough there for the discerning fan of blood and banter. Led by the watchable Jones, the cast, outside of the miscast David Hemmings as the Governor, pull out the stops to entertain the terrace faithful. Danny Dyer haters will enjoy him getting knocked about as he plays simpleton Billy Limpet, while Jason Statham is a joy as Monk, a Jock that even the Jocks are afraid of. While also putting in scene stealing shifts of note are Jamie Sives, Vas Blackwood and Omid Djalili. It's no piece of work to rank in the higher echelons of British movies - or sports movies in general for that matter. But in spite of its soggy formula and over reliance on the template film it's working from, it's very funny at times, and if you like soccer? Well the actual match is well worth the wait. 7/10 Footnote: The Longest Yard/Mean Machine was met with another re- imaging in 2005 with Adam Sandler as the disgraced lead protagonist. Proof positive that it's either a formula that many can't resist? Or that it's one that some feel still hasn't yet met its potential?